Kathie's Chatter Box

Aside from close family and friends who see me on a regular basis (or texting, JJ) I have been relatively quiet the past 76 days while I have grieved. I still grieve, daily, hourly… But I think I’m ready to open up a little bit.

I have been told a lot of things in the past couple of months. And because in general these people were also grieving and possibly didn’t take the second it would need to realize to whom they were speaking, I did not respond in any of the several ways I should have. First, when you have gone years at a time and most recently months without seeing some one, it’s just poor character to tell his wife that lived with him, “I knew him better then anyone.” Or, “I know he blew his brains out because he was wearing a wig at the viewing.” Even if he were wearing a wig… that’s a horrible thing to say to the person who had spent almost 2 hours alone with his body! And if a wig or any alteration had been required there would have been no viewing. As it was, Rob looked like he was simply...

I haven't kept up on this site well at all. I know. It's been hard while we were living up on the mountain with no cell phone signal, let alone internet. It was beautiful up there, away from everything. Rob had been really really happy up away from the buzz of the city. Things just fell to shit and it wasn't the first time things fell apart around us. Anyway, I wanted to thank Lori for her entry in the guest book. I'm glad she got to write a little to Rob who is known to his family as Scott. Anyone is welcome to leave a note to any of us on here but durring this time of grief it is wonderful to see others get the chance to write to my hubby. The kids are doing alright, Katie is finding ways to deal with her grief. Tristan seems to be doing well, I think because he's closer to our creater then anyone else, he just gets it. I'm sad, I cry a lot, I'm not afraid to cry. I fear that if I start to feel better I will forget Rob and the love we share (d). I know...

Maybe that heading should say:  Summer in the desert smells like shit. But that could just be because, in the desert; the sight for Rob's show was and always is, across a narrow one way dirt road from what he calls "Lake Bandini" I call them, "Poo Ponds" either way I'm greatful to be home where air smells.... well, ya know, like AIR! When it rains here the liquid doesn't evaporate before it hits the ground, and a mist really is fog-like. Yeay HOME!! I must say, there is something majestic about the sun rise and sun set in the desert. The angels seem to sing louder, though they weren't accompanied by birds.

Rob and I watched the movie "Marlie and Me" last night. It's a terrific movie, we cried. I laughed, critisized, and then I felt sad and reminded of how much I miss Skamper. I fell asleep thinking of the days when I was pregnant with Katie, Skamp would be soaked from river water and sitting beside me. I hugged her then, even though she smelled like a wet dog, I didn't care. We would sit there, under a tree for hours watching the water flow in the river, listening to the sounds of nature. I...

 Hello all,

I have plenty to say at this particular moment but very little of it is good. The kids' dad has now refused to visit either of the kids and is blaming Katie. How a 10 year old can be held responsible for her father's actions I don't understand. Katie contacted him several times conserned about her little sister last week. Not only did her father not answer her calls but he didn't call her back. When Katie's schedule filled over Spring Break she attempted to see her father a day earlier then he'd suggested but again, he didn't answer his phone or respond to her 3 messages. A little girl can only try so much before it's appearent that it's a LOST CAUSE. While I leave the door open for Katie and Tristan to see their father and have whatever communication with him they choose, I pray that the pain he's causing them will make them each stronger. I know this may not be the best place to air dirty laundry, so I won't continue to shair my personal feelings on the topic. What matters most has always been the kids. I welcome every member of the kids' family (ies),...

We had Tristan's birthday party today. He turned 7 on the 7th but this was the first weekend after so no one had to work and it all came together really well. Thanks to everyone for coming up!! We had a great time and Tristan tuckered out for a nap after all the fun stuff, as if on que! I know... Tristan can't eat cake or ice cream on his diet but he loves to see everyone and he knows it's his special day. Every year is tough and he deserves a celebration!

He'll go to his dads next week end and we're hoping he'll get another party but it's hard to tell. Katie is camping this week with mommo and pop so she'll have a wonderful time!! She may even come home with more of a tan. She finished summer school and as a reward for all her hard work (she read a book and wrote a report every night) we bought her some heely's those damn shoes with a wheel in the heal. I really don't like them and have never liked them, but Katie loves them and worked really hard to get them.

We don't know much...

Hi everyone.

Have you ever had a time or moment in your life you wish you could go back to and relive it just often enough to make the memory fresh and full of color? Yeah, me too. For me it's when Rob and I drove from Bakersfield through death valley into Vegas. When we got there, the intire city was cloaked in a dust storm. The city of sin had never been more beautiful ;-) That whole period of time was like a dream and like so many dreams it's faded. Sometimes I try to grasp the heat, it felt like it'd melt me. I try to close my eyes and remember exactly how sexy Rob looked driving through the desert beside me wearing the cover (hat) the Marines gave him for a job well done that year. I would do almost anything to get as close to those memories as I could. That's a lot of why I wanted to go with him for this years show. I've been with him for 5 years and have never seen one of his shows! His energy after a show possitivly surges and inspires me. Pyrotechnics brings him to life in ways I can't. There...

I mentioned Tristan's problem with his left kidney on my main page and it just gets so emotional for me. So I'm going on about it here. If you chose to read on, it's up to you but my thoughts and feelings on it wouldn't be appropriate for a usual page.

He's my little boy, my precious miracle and I know he'll be ok. He has to be ok. After everything he's been through, his strength is overwhelming. When I feel like thowing my self a pity party, I see him. He's going along with his life with all his inner strength and that uncanny understanding and faith that God has his hand on the situation and it'll work out. What right do I have to a pity party when Tristan just goes on about his life? He's the one this is happening to and if he's not letting it slow him down, how can I let it get the best of me? It wouldn't be right. I've had doubts before that God does exist. But I see the proof that he does and that he's watching over us every time I look at my kids. They're both terrific and so different in their...

Hello everyone,

So, I fell of the face of the cyber map and didn't write for a long time. Sorry to all about that. I do tend to get caught up in other things. I managed to find my password though so I hope to be updated these pages sooner rather then later.

We're all doing good. Rob will be leaving for his fire works show at the end of the month. We're still working on getting the kids squared away so that I can go with him, but it's looking as though that door was slammed shut this morning. Wish us luck.

We got a 4 week old Pit Bull, Chow Chow mix puppy, months ago. He's sweet and smart and fun and funny. He gives Abby a run for her money and even though he's smaller then she is, he eats more. He's stubern and silly too. We've named him Trotter because of the way he trots around owning the place. He sounds like a big dog and is protective also.

I guess I have gone blank on things to say, so I'll add this post without offering to update soon, because obviously I don't...

Have a wonderful summer and...

Hey all,

I'm back again this is almost like a regular thing. We had our first snow on the valley floor today. I saw a post on Craiglist saying that it's free for all! A nice 6 inches of snow from what Rob measured earlier. I've been adding to and changing pages a bit here and there. For space and interest I took out the old Halloween photos and put in some different and new pictures. I've got tons of them and I'm sure if I just sit down to do it I'll get it all done, maybe next weekend. And now I'll have pictures of the snow!! Katie had a friend sleep over last night so when they woke up to snow she had extra fun! Man I hope there is still school tomorrow. From what I understand I'm supposed to use this space to actually talk about the site and/or maybe as an online diary. I don't know what I should talk about this time around. I know I've babbled about Skamper for a few rounds now. There isn't exactly an end to greif, maybe there's just a time when you realize it's all good. And actually it...

I know it hasn't been very long since I added to this and sent a note of an update. But like I said before, it's not going to be a complete update/over haul at once. So please bear with me. Not a whole lot is new here. I pretty much filled you all in the past few days and on the pages I've updated. But I wanted to say HI!! It's strange, when I had the site so I was paying for it, I just didn't have the want to do anything on here. Now that I've gone back to free... I have lots of plans, now if only plans and time will go hand in hand we'll be on a roll, right? I enjoyed a great exchange of long winded emails with Holly today, it's great to hear from you again! Sorry I didn't take the time sooner to have a chat fest. Maybe (not likely) the emails would have been shorter if we'd do them more often?

So, my plans for the site, I'm going to add pictures, I've got lots of them. And probably take the Halloween photos out. So if you haven't checked those pages out...